Do you want me to trust you?

Do you want me to trust you?

Jai Lert Tai
28 Nov 2012 (Republish)

In 1947, a Barmar stranger came to my native town, Pang Long. He asked me to marry him. He seemed to be sincere. Yes, I agreed to do so even I really did not understand his culture and language. He convinced me to trust him by giving promises which I have never dreamed of before. He said, I would gain more freedom than I used to live under the British rule. Moreover, he promised that I would be the president.

I was amused and happy with his sincere intention. To ensure that I would not be abused, bullied or deceive by him, I proposed for a conditional wedding agreement. Our conditions are; no violence, be a good father and mother, regular incomes for the family wellbeing and run our houses with mutual respect, equal share and equal responsibility (one kyat for Barmar and one kyat for Shan). If the agreement is broken, we would go separately. He even told me, to trust him and live with him for ten years, if I am not happy, I can divorce.

I remember well that we married in 1947 almost over 60 years ago.

It was just a few years after we married. He came home and beat me. At first, I thought he was stressed from his work. And I forgave him even he gave me a blood running nose and a black eye on that day. The next two days, he came to my compound with his bulldogs and chased after my children. He beat my children. Some of my kids were fallen down and killed. Worse than that, he ordered me to do his work. He dig gold, rubies in my farm, cut my teakwood and sold it. And he even rent some of my farm to his foreign friend without asking for my permission. When I ask for some money, he said, it was his money.

I had no time to send my children to school because I have to work for him days and nights. He ran into my farm whenever he wanted, he beat me whenever he liked. It was 10 years. I said “Enough is enough”. I proposed for a new rule of running house. I asked for federal equal power. He accused me of trying to make a divorce and he sent many more of his bulldogs to bark, bite at my family members in my own compound.

For my children, for my land, I had to fight him because I am not his slave! I hate him for breaking promises. I hate myself for trusting him. Our neighbors are watching him. They know he is irresponsible and a bad father. So they criticize him by sending protest letters and some stop trading with him. His family members do not like his doings and how he runs the family business.

More than 60 years, we fought over our differences. He realized, he can’t beat me because I would defend and fight back in whatever I have in hands (Even I know he is a devil and too strong to beat). Now he wants to talk. He is changed! He surprised me and our neighbors. They started to praise him. They even forget how badly he has treated me. They forget that he gave me a running nose, ruin my house and beautiful garden and let his bulldogs chased over my children.

Now, he asks me to trust him again. My stranger husband, please tell me, are you serious of building a new house? What kind of house are you offering me? In our new house, can I send my children for a Shan school? Can I build a Shan university? Can my family have the right to run the business? Will you promise to take your dogs back to your home? Can I use my language as one of the official languages in my own house? Moreover, you even forget to apologize for what you did to me. If you are sincere to ask me to trust again, I believe I deserve a proper apology from you at least.

Credited to ShanExpress